CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS

Posted on by George Bradley

Today you may be in relational conflict with someone. I’m confident that this worksheet will guide you into what to do about this relational challenge. This experience is a Relational TOOL you can use today! The story of two solid Christian sisters in Philippi (Euodia and Synthyche) will teach us about how to manage our conflicts with other believers.

This worksheet includes 40+ questions you can use, today, to explore your relationship(s). This study will also help you explore Jesus’ love for those you may be in conflict with right now. I double guarantee that if you do this spiritual work that your relationship(s) will improve. If you are not in conflict with anyone now, these Biblical questions will help prevent you from potential future conflict. Either way, you win!

BIG IDEA: Jesus and Paul are our Relational Models.

PREVIEW: We will see: 1) how Jesus models relationships, 2) how Paul teaches us about relational conflict, 3) when conflict is not okay and 4) when conflict is unavoidable.

Okay, so let’s dig in!

Relationships In CONFLICT – Euodia & Syntyche

First, please stop and answer these KEY Questions:

1) What was the most painful group split you have been a part of?

2) Write down the name of a person(s) you are in conflict with now.

3) What other “breakup” has broken your heart?

RELATIONSHIPS: Jesus’ Example – Philippians 2:5-11 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=philippians+2%3A5-11&version=CSB

  • 2:1 with love “Do I really love this person or not?”

In fellowship “Do I view this person as a brother/sister in Jesus?”

With affection and mercy “I rate my love and mercy toward this person at ______ on a 1-10 scale”

  • 2:2 With love “Have I read I Corinthians 13:1-7 and inserted this person’s name?” That is, have I opened my Bible to I Cor. 13 and inserted the name of the person I am in conflict with? Example: “I’m patient with “Fred”. Am I envious of “Fred” in any way? Have I always been kind to “Fred”? I’m not boasting or arrogant toward this person in any way, am I? What do I envy about them? How was I rude or irritable toward Fred? What selfish interests do I bring to this relationship? How might I have been touchy or resentful toward him? Would I be happy is something bad happened to them? Would I be glad if something really good happened to him? How long have I been bearing this relational conflict? Do I hope good things for Fred? Do I care enough about this person/relationship to endure more conflict?   

Knowing you have the same reason for living “Would others agree that this person is a believer and in the family of God?”

  • 2:3 Questioning your own possible selfish motivation “What do I stand to gain and loose in this relationship?”

Confessing the sin of conceit first “Have I have paused to examine and confess my pride toward this person?

With humility “Am I genuinely lowering myself in this relationship?”

Am I Considering the one I am in conflict with as more important than myself? “Whose perspective is most important in this relationship?”

  • 2:4 Considering their interests. “I assess the top three goals, needs, interests of this person to be: 1. ___________________ 2. _________________ 3. ______________________
  • 2:5 I am looking at this person through the eyes and attitude of Jesus. “I can honestly say Jesus’ attitude is foremost in my thinking about this person.”
  • 2:6 I have explored the potential power differences between me and this person. “What power might I possibly abuse in this relationship?”
  • 2:7 Am I laying down my rights in this relationship?

How, specifically and practically, have I served this person to this point?

Am I embracing my own human frailty in this relationship? I acknowledge these specific weaknesses in my personality, character and relational style _______________________, ___________________________, _____________________.  

2:8 What command of Christ must I consider and obey in this relationship?

What emotional or other loss would I be willing to suffer and endure to help this relationship?

  • 2:11 Does this person claim that Jesus is Lord?

RELATIONSHIPS: Paul’s Example

Philippians 4:1-5 “So then, my dearly loved and longed for brothers and sisters, my joy and crown, in this manner stand firm in the Lord, dear friends.2I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree in the Lord. 3Yes, I also ask you, true partner, to help these women who have contended for the gospel at my side, along with Clement and the rest of my coworkers whose names are in the book of life. 4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your graciousnessbe known to everyone. The Lord is near.” CSB

  • 4:1 Do I view this person as dear?

Do I consider this person to be beloved?

What do I like about this person?

Can I think of this person as an equal spiritual sibling? (Or do I see them as my child, or as an inferior, distant relative?)

What do I delight in about this person? What joy have they brought me?

In what ways do I see the real innate value in the life of this person and see them with intrinsic worth (your ‘crown’)?

What Christian teaching am I tempted to deny/forsake/forget with respect to this person? (Example: Exodus 20:16) What might I not ‘stand firm’ in with this person I’m in conflict with?

In what way might this person become a better or a dear friend to me?

  • 4:2 When Paul urges (pleads with) Euodia and Syntyche what level of intensity would you give to his plea? (score at 1-10) ______

In what specific ways can I agree with this person?

What do I share in common with this person spiritually?

  • 4:3 Are partners legally equivalent? Do I view this person as a partner? Or as an unequal partner?

Paul is asking us to help ourselves and others to get along in the Lord. What can you do to help another person who is in conflict with another Christian now?

Paul says Euodia and Syntyche have fought with Paul at his side for the Good News of Jesus. Is the person you are in conflict with on the Lord’s side in the gospel?

How might I become (for the first time – or again) a coworker with this person?

Are you sure that your name is in the Book of Life?

Do I acknowledge that this difficult person’s name is also in the Book of Life? (Revelation 20:15…) Do I admit that you will spend eternity in heaven near and with this person?

  • 4:4 How much have I grumbled to the Lord and or to others about this person?

For what can you thank God about this person?

Can I see this strained relationship as an opportunity to thank God for an opportunity to grow, become more like Messiah or at least to suffer like Jesus did?

  • 4:5 What do others see or hear you say about this person? Who else have I told about this conflict?

Can I say that God has been gracious to me? What area of my life has God been most gracious with me about? __________________________

Please give a percentage number (0-100%) of graciousness that you might consider giving to this conflictual person(s). _______

What percentage of graciousness has God shown me this year? ______ %

How do I define graciousness? https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionary/gracious/

WHAT KIND OF PERSON IS PAUL ASKING US TO AGREE WITH?

Philippians 1:15 Those with envy or rivalry issues toward me.

1:17 Those with some undiagnosed selfishness in their hearts toward me.

1:18 Those imperfect saints who know and preach Christ.

2:13 Flawed Christians God is working in, even though they are incompletely sanctified.

3:12,13 Broken Believers who aren’t yet fully formed – like Paul was not – into the image of Christ.

2:21 Those I judge, as Paul did, to be self-interested Christians.

4:15 Churches/believers that give less money to God’s mission than us/me.

WHAT KIND OF PERSON IS PAUL NOT ASKING US TO AGREE WITH?

1:28 Those Paul calls our spiritual Opponents whom God (not us) will destroy.

2:15 Those who are a part of this crooked and Perverted Generation.  

3:2  Those the Apostle calls Dogs. – Those he calls Evil Workers.

Sect members who Paul calls Mutilators of the Flesh.

3:9 Those who do not have a faith based exclusively on faith in Christ Jesus’ once for all sacrifice.

3:11 Those Christians who deny Jesus’ bodily resurrection from the dead.

3:18 Those “believers” Paul labels as Enemies of Christ

3:19 Those who live for the present only and who do shameful things.

APPLICATION

What can I do today to reach out to the one I am in conflict with? A call, a text, coffee, email, a gift? What top three points/attitudes presented in this study will you seek to apply to this relationship first?

Rejoice! God can and will help us in our conflicted relationships with believers (when we apply His Word to the situation)!